Debbie's Story
As a child, I never understood the reasons for some of our family dynamics-plans made at the last minute, family absences at holiday celebrations, wild mood swings, and frequent illnesses. We all compensated and ignored behavior that I now recognize as a manifestation of mental illness. In retrospect, I can now see that several members of my extended family struggled with undiagnosed (and therefore untreated) mental health conditions.
I think I chose psychology as a major when I attended Bates College to better understand what was happening. I dreamed of becoming a clinical psychologist, but several internships in acute psychiatric facilities convinced me that the intensity of this responsibility wasn't a good fit (at least, not at 21!).
However, my desire to help people improve their emotional and physical health led to a long career in healthcare. Earning a Masters degree in Health Administration at Duke University set me on a course to a rewarding twenty—year tenure of strategic planning, group facilitation, market research and quality improvement in various community and teaching hospitals in the greater Boston area. Specifically, for mental health-related services, I worked on strategic plans, building renovation, new program development, and patient satisfaction projects for inpatient and outpatient psychiatric services, substance abuse services, and employee assistance programs.
In 2002, I decided my passion was to use my strategic planning and visioning skills to work with individuals and groups to create more fulfilling, balanced and purposeful living. I began extensive training to become a certified professional coach and launched my business, Discover Your Light Coaching.
On a personal level, I continued to see family members cycling through ups and downs over the years and exhibiting similar symptoms. The barrier of silence was lifted, and as family members were finally treated, some diagnoses became clear-clinical depression, severe social anxiety, panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and bipolar disorder.
When my own teenager began to struggle to deal with social and academic pressure, I think I knew on an intuitive level from my experience and education what was happening. But I was in denial about this one case-instead, I attributed her behavior to the normal stresses of adolescent development. |
But then we reached an intense crisis point. There was no longer any room for denial. My own life was put on hold as I expended enormous amounts of time and energy as the case manager for her care. Even though I knew a lot about mental illness from both my personal and professional experiences, I struggled to handle this one case on my own. I spent countless hours searching for resources, support and information.
It is true that it takes time and support to accept that your child and/or family member has a mental illness-what you might call a "brain disorder." But it doesn't have to consume you as well. While there are levels and stages of acceptance that I find myself continually revisiting, I have to remind myself that I haven't caused this illness, nor has my child. The fact that mental illness is still regarded differently than physical illness by most people can cause us to feel secretly ashamed, guilty, and like it's something to hide.
I found that asking for help is crucial. The accountability and structure of working with a wonderful, compassionate coach helped me to focus on growing my business, practice effective coping skills, and enjoy my life even while dealing with my daughter's illness. It certainly helped that my coach had walked the same road with her daughter. She pushed me into treatment for my own depression. My coaches and therapists have helped me to create a wonderful, fulfilling life again.
I wish this journey to be easier for you. There are many other parents who have traveled down this path—you are not alone. My coaching program for caretakers of those with mental illness is designed to support you in creating a strong personal foundation so that you can better manage your family crisis and go on with your own life.
The good news is that research and sophisticated technologies are leading to a better understanding of the brain and more effective treatment options for brain disorders. There is hope for an improved quality of life for our family members, even if a complete cure for mental illness is not found.
Don't ever give up hope! And, don't be afraid to ask for help. It's a sign of strength.
Schedule a free consultation today. |
